Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize