Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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