Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
