The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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