It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
