I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
