Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
