he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
