Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
