Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
