so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We are all done wearing pants today
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
