Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
