you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
vagina is talking i cant
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize