You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
40s are totally the cure
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
