operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
