we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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