Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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