ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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