I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
