too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
