The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
