I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize