but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
