I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
