he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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