Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
