Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
