god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
