I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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