What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize
