3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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