I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
