I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
