What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
