imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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