I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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