question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry about my life...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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