and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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