i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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