I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
