sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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