I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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