her vagine was all disorganized.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
