I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
