Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize