I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
