Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
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