Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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