I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
