I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
