I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize