Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
