after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
