I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
