I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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