If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
