He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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