I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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