Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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