Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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