I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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