we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You're like the curious george of whores
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
