you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
