i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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