Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
