So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
3pm strippers are depressing
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
