Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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