He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
