u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
