The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
