Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
