is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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