One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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