i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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